I know it's hippie. And I know it works. For 30 days I am going to be listening to Louise L. Hay's "I can do it". Because I'm worth it. And so are you. Aren't we all ?!

About 5 months ago, in October, I was on a retreat to help me clear myself and change my life. I was in the good care of Lynn and Terry at Själastugan, but in many ways it was a horrible week. Changing ones life is not easy, because it means standing face to face with the roots of your life. And really see them.
In the mist (yes fog) of this process, I was fighting, dreaming, screaming, wondering, sleeping and being, all in this very wonderful spot in northern Sweden that I took 2 planes to get to.
As the week was coming to an end, and my life hadn't change (it often doesn't happen overnight ;), although sometimes it does), I was looking for affirmation, re-assurance that things were going to alright. I wanted things to be alright, but how could I be so sure, that any thing would even change at all?! And I simply couldn't bare the thought of going back to what was.
Then I looked at my hostess, a little old lady, with wrinkles and a continuous smile, and I asked her: "How can I be sure? How can I be so sure that any of this will work, and that things WILL change?". And she looked at me, with tiny eyes, and a little voice that echoed across the far end of the lake and straight back into my heart, and said: "Because you make it so".

Because you make it so.

Det er skægt. Jeg tænkte over det i går. Jeg går på skole for at lære at blive kendt, for at blive dygtig, for at blive set. Men skolen lærer mig ikke at sælge mine værker. Skolen lærer mig ikke at blive kunstner.

Jeg prøvede ihærdigt at komme ind på kunstakademierne og holde op på designskolen. Da jeg ikke kom ind tænkte jeg min drøm om at blive kunstner ikke kunne blive så god som andres, fordi de i sandhed kunne skrive MA i fine arts på CV'et.
Men efter at have været færdig uddannet i halvandet år mærker jeg at det ikke er skolen der gør mig til kunstner. Det er mit arbejde.

Når jeg står og maler tænker jeg tilbage på tiden i Sydney og Ljubljana. Da jeg stod på akademierne og for et øjeblik var en del af kunstmiljøet, og ikke en af designer-smart tænkerne. Her arbejdede jeg på lige fod med fremtidens kunstnere, måske nogen glemmer det og lægger det på hylden. Andre ikke.

Her handlede det om udtryk og spontanitet, og jeg havde intet at miste. Som den nye pige i klassen fra en anden baggrund kunne jeg snige mig med og lære alverdens ting, bare ved at svinge penslen. Og jeg havde intet at frygte. Og intet at miste.

Som kom tiden hvor reglerne blev strammet ind. Designskolen kaldte det "en modtager" og jeg kæmpede med at skrive og forvalte med hjerte og ben hvad der var spændende, men også spændende for den brede befolkning. Og jeg mistede udsynet da projektet skærpede sig ind og modtageren blev tydeligere og tydelige. Men heldigvis kunne jeg kalde mig "designer", cand. design. og det lyder flot og jeg tror også det er det.




Nu sidder jeg her i min have i Frankrig, og tænker tilbage på Sydney og Ljubljana. Hvad var så specielt?! Måske var det interessen og lysten der var tilstede. Opbakningen fra de andre elever og small talk mellem studie pladserne. Nogen hang ting i loftet af gummi. Der lugtede af olie på gangene, og jeg spiste banan kage fra skolens kantine når jeg igen havde glemt en ordentlig madpakke. Måske var det dét, ikke have noget at miste. At være i sikkerhed, for der var stadig over et år til afgang.
Men jeg mistede det. Friheden, skabelsen, det utæmmelige, det fremadrettede, udadvente, fanden i voldske, det uregerlige, nysgerrige, hæmningsløse.

Og så blev jeg student. Og jeg havde en flot eksamen. Og malerierne var gemt væk, fordi min lærer og jeg blev enige om at "det ved vi jeg kan, og så vil det være mit bachelor projekt een gang til". Måske vidste han noget jeg ikke vidste da vi aftalte det. Måske vidste han noget, der først ville gå op for mig flere måneder, ja nærmest år senere. At jeg ville vende tilbage til maleriet. Og at et var derfor vi gjorde noget andet.

Jeg er glad for at være tilbage. Jeg kan ikke fatte at det er 7 år siden jeg stod på akademiet i udkanten af Sydney og malede på livet løs som om jeg intet havde at miste. Måske var det projektet; at der primært var dét at skabe i sigte. Og selvom jeg stadig er en vårhare, specielt hvis man spørger de danske pensionister der bor her i Frankrig, så er 7 år immervæk lang tid!

Tænk at jeg var så heldig at få den mulighed at komme afsted, og om på den anden side af jorden, for ar slippe mig selv og sætte mig selv fri fra forventninger. Tænk at lige dér fandt det mig. Eventyret og drømmene smeltede sammen.

Og jeg er glad for jeg er vendt tilbage. Eller også stod det hele tiden og ventede på mig. Og regnede med jeg ville dukke op, når lysten og trangen blev for stærk, og det skræmmende netop ville ud og rystes og opdages!

This drawing is part of my "A Drawing For Every Day In March" project. Meet all 31 drawings

There is always a special feeling inside me, when I am going somewhere. Days before, inside me, reflections start happening. Did I do enough? Are things how I want them to be? How is my life? How ARE things? I start looking at my sorroundings with a special gaze, a deeper look, and I take them in, deeper. I become more observant. What is really happening before my eyes? How does my body feel?
Tomorrow morning I am heading off to Denmark to spend my christmas time there. With my family. With friends. With strangers :-)
There is more melancholia connected with my going away this time.
Perhaps it's because it is the end of the year soon, too. The end of a full sun year where I did my best. I tried as much as I could to stay focused. To stay connected. At times, I didn't succeed. When I did, I really changed something, mountains moved, inner core strengthened. And this is how I move forward. Stronger.

I say the christmas market coming up have been much of a challenge. I have never done it before. And I really look forward, I think it's going to be heaps fun :) Yesterday I freaked out. Fear, you know. All the Unknown out there. Shit. The ambitions and expectations. I was filled with fear. Fear of not doing well enough, of failing, of course. But then I remember it's my little system inside, going on full alert!, because I have never done this before. And for the first time in my life (this is probably not true!), I don't know WHERE the story ends. I don't know if I succeed. I don't know if I fail. I just don't know. And so all I can do is try. And so, I am. Giving it a go. Rocking that christmas market ;-)
(It's 7-8th dec by the way, you can read about it here).

Yesterday we went on a beautiful trip. Actually we got up quite late, and didn't leave the house until 2 or 3. But it was sooo nice getting out.
The wind was really fierce, like Denmark. And then we went to a little piece of land, between a lot of water. Where they grow the oysters, and the sea. And it was stormy. Like Denmark. And the colors were like Denmark. And apart from the beautiful snow-covered mountains in the background, I actually felt, I was in Denmark.

Recently I've been working with a group of shamanic artists, spread across Europe. This work have made me think about a lot of things, and has opened up new doorways for me. I feel very inspired by these people and their stories, and I feel very moved by our dream to create shamanic art. (This website will be released soon, but for now, I'd like to keep it close to my heart).
One of the things that has come to my awareness, and that I have come to think about, is how we are all wounded in our creativity. These use of words, were first presented to me by Nicholas Breeze Wood, the editor and founder of Sacred Hoop (shamanic) magazine. How we are wounded in our creativity.

I don't mean to offend anyone here, but it seems like there is a great gap in us westerners, between our creativity and our inner core. Why is creativity so often referred to as "Oh, I couldn't do that" and "oh, no that's not for me". And even those of us who live off and with our creativity everyday, seem to have a whole wall of criticism and judgement looking us in the eye, when we start a new project. One, almost have to be really strong and focused to go beyond this tremendous power of negativity.
It's not easy to 'just' be creating.
Yet, we do it everyday. Create our lives! Why is creativity so difficult, when it's one of the most natural things on our planet? Evolution. You don't hear (healthy) children go around saying "Oh, no it probably won't work to build a car out of a shoe-box, and what am I to do with it afterwards? What can I really use this for?". Which is a relief.
Yes, we question. We judge. Before something is even born. Before we've even started, the mission is almost bound to fail. The way I see it: Because we haven't learned, and we don't have a strong, positive relationship with our own creativity.
When some one is creative they are either 'up there' like "she's so good, and I could never do that", or it's 'down there', as in "Oh, this is just something I do in my spare time, it's not really something, I'm just playing". Why can't it be equal to everything else that we do in life? Why does it have to be 'good' or 'bad'? What is not accepted here? If I have a strong creativity, I am 'better' than you? Or I am just playing? Are these really the only two categories we can find!? This is truly sad.

How can creativity (which, to some extend goes hand in hand with spirituality) become a natural, healthy and positive part of our society? By acknowledging it's presence. By understanding it, and accepting it into our lives. Accept that we all are creative. And that creativity means the possibility for new things, the creation of something un-known. The presence of a stranger, who can become your solution out if a problem.
Creativity is not trying to hurt anyone. It is trying to give us a voice to speak with, when we've run out of words. It is trying to teach us to let go, and be a PART of life, instead of judging it.

So next time you're about to do something a bit un-rational, and find yourself called to your son's colorful markers, or you have a new idea you want to present to the office, - encourage it! Act as if it was life itself knocking on your door, inviting you to play!
Far too much 'rationality' is going on in our community. Wouldn't it be great if, just for one day, we could let all that go, and just say "Yes!"? Yes to community. Yes to creativity. Yes to possibilities. Yes to life.

Yours sincerely,
Lone














      This morning.

It has been raining for 4 days straight. Today, the sun came out. The temperature dropped. From 11 to 5 C. Freaking cold. You can see it on the pictures. The cold blue nuances on them. Brrr…

The snow has arrived on the mountain ridges around the house. The Kaki tree has lost it's leaves and the remaining kakis are hanging like orange christmas decorations on the naked tree.

But the olives are doing fine. Their usual picking time is november/december when everything else has given in to the cold. First they are yellow. Then green. Then they become this slightly red color and look like grapes. And then black in the end.
Did you know that all olives are black, and that the green olives you get are just black ones picked before they go black? I didn't know that before I came here :-)

Writing this blog has turned into a sacred space for me. Y'know, 'Quality Time' :) It's good. I like it. I didn't think that that would happen, and it's great!

In this post I have added some pictures from recent trips that I wanted to share with you. The area I live in is so beautiful, and you literally have to go just out the door, to find some spectacular views and wild experiences ;) It's absolutely fantastic.
I have added 2 'tags' "Dans le jardin (In the garden)" (still practicing my French) and "On a trip". This post fits in both categories.
On these recent trips (where some of these pictures are taken), I went to the prieuré of Serrabonne (munkekloster) and saw the fantastic herb garden around the priory. Just beautiful. And what a pleasure to be smelling, touching, feeling these plants. They grow on a still mountain top next to a lost castle, lots of sun during the day and prickly cold nights. Really something.

I have worked hard on my website the last couple of months, and feel that it's finally coming to a place where I am happy with it. This has taken a looong time, changing, discovering and just building up, making the site look as free and licious as I have in mind. I am especially fond of my shop, that I finally feel really good about. Ah, you just can't beat the feeling of knowing you've done it right, and you like what you see. Shoulder pats and love there ;) (Hope you enjoy it as much as I ;).
I've also recently joined Pinterest, which I find to be inspirational and great too. Oh, this digital world; never thought it was me, but here I am, typing away and loving it!

The Kaki tree down the road. A firework of color against the bright blue sky! As you might have noticed - I have a crush on trees ;)

Fenouil/Fennel/Fennikel

This is one of my favorite pictures. See how the pink light of the setting sun is making the trunks look purple? The yellow figs are giving an extra glow to the picture. Whew!

Oh, come on! You go for a ride and after 40 min. you see this! What a place on Earth! (The grape vines has gone yellow and red with the autumn ;)

Still tomatoes in the garden. Don't know how, but they are still coming!  Looks like a christmas decoration to me!

A beautiful, beautiful Downy oak / Chêne blanc ('white oak' in French), in the gardens of the priory.